Have You Ever, no Brandy.

Have you ever tried to please someone so much, & in the end all your hard work still didn't please them? That's how I'm feeling now. I try sooooooooo hard to please my mom, like you have no idea. I look past myself and what I WANT & always follow what she wants. Ever since 9th grade year my high-school life has been controlled by my mom. All my good grades I've managed to get because I didn't wanna disappoint her. My dream? To join the military straight out of school... Her dream? Go to college, get a degree, blah blah, & she's living her dream through me. She always complains about classes that SHE put me in that I asked her not to, & she wonders why I make specific grades. I'm in 4 classes that I didn't wanna be in.. actually 5. 2 ONLINE college classes, 1 on campus, & 2 at my high-school. I have that 4.30 GPA because she has pushed me hard since freshman year. Since I've been in high-school I've been to ONE party (which wasn't really a party), I've stayed out late *disregarding band* ONE time. I've never felt like I was getting the high-school experience. I think one of the reasons why I'm so antisocial is because I don't know how to be sociable. All I know is school, work, & church. There's no me time whatsoever, but my momma just believes that I only care for myself... it's frustrating when I make a B & get fussed at for making that grade. It could be an 87 & she's still not satisfied. She complains about me not studying which is why I don't make the grades I make, but I'm juggling 7 classes... & working & tryna look out for.myself. My grandmother was the same way, cared more for others than she cared for herself. Didn't even tell anyone about her heart disease, keeping us in mind. I just want to be happy, & I feel like if people around me aren't happy then there's no way I could be happy. This life that I'm living is too much. Sometimes I wonder if all this shit I'm doing is even worth it? I could graduate, & join the military! I'm starting to believe school is not for me. If anything... I'll attend UWF, live on campus, & forget about everything in Pensacola. Get my degree, & move far far far away from this place. I mean, I just wanna be happy, & right now... I'm nowhere being happy. I actually think I'm just a little bit depressed! I wouldn't be surprised.
Sorry for bad grammar, typos, or whatever.


Tia.

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